You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
