he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
