awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
