I think my vagina is haunted
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
