No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
