So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
