Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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