you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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