K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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