Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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