Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just google imaged poop.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
