Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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