I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
