How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
