she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
