you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
