Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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