He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
