I accidentally had phone sex last night
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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