Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
