So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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