Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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