I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
