So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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