i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
