He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
