your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
