I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
