As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
