Where is the hickey?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
