we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
