it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
