How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
