SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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