Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You took a bar mat shot.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
