Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
