Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
