Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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