I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
