I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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