Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
