your thong is hanging out like whoa
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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