I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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