Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
