i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
