Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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