What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
