My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
