So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
