I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
